Soup Cursings

I've had emotions flaming through me as of late. Crazy,erratic emotions...not really pretty ones either.That's why this post is as raw as you can get--and probably full of grammatical errors-and void of pretty photos.That's where I am these days...void of pretty photos. But it's ok, because sometimes a season of Raw Realness infused with erratic emotional behavior is refreshing(though I'm sure my family would beg to differ) I feel my body is yelling for me to notice that's it's getting old and tired and needs some good blood pumping exercise to burst those amazing endorphines into my brain. I crave sleep.Love sleep. And never have really been a "sleeper". So,it's time to take notice..I've been downing Emergen-C like it's a great cocktail and making sure to take my vitamins and the many supplements that are falling out of the cabinet when I open it. I went and walked this morning, 2 miles, after the fellas left for school.And I thought I was gonna croak. I've really let it go  this summer...shamefully.But that crisp morning air burning my throat and lungs and making my head hurt a bit was a great way to start the day...um,yeah?I've been really ouchy with the Littles lately-and I don't like it.Sometimes I feel very overwhelmed with the needs of people so vulnerable...that sounds dumb after I've been a mama for 20 yrs,huh? Time has nuthin to do with it,folks...it's as staggering a responsibility now as ever.So,this evening I was really really wanting to make myself some great soup.I love soup and could eat it everyday-especially in the cold months. Anyhoo..I was online and could not find anything I was looking for.Imagine that--this vast expanse of information before us and I couldn't find one freaking soup recipe that sounded good to me.So I was mad. Like,really mad. And pelting the keyboard with each search with my mad fingers.and cursing. Now,I'm grinning thinking about it. Not laughing at myself...maybe tomorrow..but I do have a slight grin on my face.But with each 'black bean soup' and 'minestrone' and 'corn chowder' and 'crab bisque' that appeared on my screen..I was getting fired up...and muttering dammit and stupid effing recipe to myself. How ludicrous! You see, now I know it's because I didn't have the slightest clue what I even wanted, so the World's Most Prized Soup could've morphed out of thin air and landed on my computer desk,steaming hot and in beautiful stoneware...and I still would've been saying 'damn soup'. So Dan got home from work and I went to bed(at 6pm)..and it was wonderful. For 4 hours I slept, and was vaguely aware of the routine evening drama going on outside our bedroom door.He fed the boys, unloaded the dishwasher,reloaded the dishwasher,cleaned up the kitchen, got them ready for bed, put them to bed...while I was snoozing away. So, you see--it wasn't really SOUP I wanted, that was making me so peeved--it was SLEEP that I needed...no Cursing involved. Well...except for when I did finally get up, and tripped over the oscilating fan in our bedroom in the dark:)